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In this episode Julia & Tessa discuss Circle on Retreat:

You can join Julia and Tessa on retreat in October - details HERE

Transcript:

Tessa: A very warm welcome to today's episode about circles on retreat. I don't know whether you've ever been on retreat, but it's usually an opportunity to get away from your everyday life. It might be in the same country that you live. You might travel to a different country and with Julia and I both being Yoga teachers. We've been on Yoga retreats and had different experiences of circle components. I'd love you to imagine for a moment you turn up on one of these retreats, and on the 1st evening you've had dinner. You're sitting around afterwards, and there's some attempts by the the teacher who's running the retreat to get people talking and perhaps you've experienced it where it just hasn't really got beyond the superficial. You just kind of really stay on the surface and perhaps it even feels a bit clique. Maybe some people come with friends and you didn't, and you'll find it really hard to get into one of those conversations or perhaps the teacher gave a topic to start a conversation between everybody, but it just kind of petered out, and you went into normal chit chat.

Julia Davis: Imagine now, what might it have been like if before you went on the retreat, if you were going traveling far, you had the opportunity to all mute on Zoom beforehand and that was held as an online circle with guidelines, and everyone had the opportunity to introduce themselves, say where they were in the world. So what brought them there, and why they were wanting to go on that retreat? So you had a sense of who you were going to be on retreat with. And then imagine if on that 1st evening when you came together you also had some kind of arrival circle, maybe even with a Yoga Nidra in it, where everyone was given the opportunity to settle. Calm their nervous system, feel like they've actually arrived. It can be quite a thing traveling from one place to another. So some kind of arrival ritual took place and then once again, you had the opportunity to talk, maybe in a full circle. But maybe at this stage, because you're actually with each other, you have the opportunity to go into twos or a pod of 3. And then in those smaller circles. You've got the opportunity to get to know each other already, maybe disbanding some of the cliques that might already be in place if people knew each other already. How different might that feel.

Tessa: I think one of the lovely things for me when I've been on retreat is getting to meet like-minded people, and because you're together a lot all day, then those connections can develop more quickly than they might in everyday life if you get the opportunity. So for me, that 1st circle is such a special opportunity to really get those connections going. And if you've been listening to the podcast for a while, you'll hopefully have picked up lots of tips about how that might happen that you actually need to be quite explicit about how the talking is is going to flow so that you have some guidelines. So people feel really comfortable that what they say on retreat is going to stay on retreat rather than go outside of it, you know, and you might think. Well, there's they all seem very nice people, and they've rocked up to this this retreat. But still it's important to say things like, you know it's going to be respectful. We might have different opinions on things. But let's let's talk respectfully and listen respectfully. So already, from that 1st moment of connection, you're building a container which then is beautiful because it contains all the other practices. If it is a Yoga retreat, or if you're on a walking holiday together, that in between, when you're doing those things, the communication will be really positive.

Julia Davis: I think it can be really lovely as a retreat holder to create opportunities for maybe there to be a little gift for the people who are on the retreat with you, and so imagine. Sometimes you might have arrived at a hotel, and there might have been a chocolate on your pillow. Recreating that can be a really nice thing to do, but maybe, rather than asking people to bring a pen and paper with them, everybody has a pen and a little notebook that they're gifted at the beginning of a retreat and also maybe thinking about the end of time together. So the beginning is really important, but also that what is the journey that we've been on together? How has it felt to be on that journey, and what might it look like as we step out of it, being really mindful about the beginnings and the endings. I think we talk about that quite a lot on the podcast is the beginnings and the endings. But that's what circle does when you're creating a retreat. If you think consciously about not that just it's the end of the retreat, or it's the end of our time together. Who's going on? Which journey back to wherever? Who's carpooling? Who's getting on the train together. Making sure that there is time before that for everyone to collect together, so that there's a feeling of conclusion for everyone who takes part.

Tessa: I think for me. A retreat, you know, is exactly that you're retreating from the everyday life, and it almost feels like a missed opportunity if there hasn't been some sort of space to share, because when you have that extra space, when you're not having to worry about getting to work on time and your to do list and getting the kids off to their after school clubs, or whatever it might be. You have a different perspective on your life and to be able to have people around you where you've got a sounding board for sharing your reflections, I think, can help that process so much more. And obviously you don't have to. And there might be people who go on retreat, and they just really are getting away from everything they've left behind, and I think it's always great as a retreat leader to give the option of you can join in or not, you know but it's it can be really transformational if we, we are holding this container, not just the practices or the main reason that somebody's come on retreat. But we're holding that space for really beautiful connections and relationships and communication to happen. The whole experience will be enhanced that way.

Julia Davis: You might have come on retreat, wanting space for yourself, absolutely. And I think that's something else about going away with people is that there's those times for connection. But there might be times where there's conscious silence so often. Breakfast can be a really good time for that. So I've been on retreat, where from waking up in the morning until after breakfast no one talks, and then it's kind of like you've not only like there's breakfast is break fast. So you've had all the night to sleep, and then you've broken your fast by eating and choose to intentionally break the silence together.It can be really good to have intentional space where that we would like everyone to join in. But also there's parts where, if you want to go off and have a little sleep, or go and read a book or go off and walk on your own, or even call up your family. People can do that. So it's not a packed schedule. There's space. But maybe during that space there's kind of the ideas that we brought up about intentional listening. talking, and listening from the heart because we've been practicing those. It might be that we go for a walk and that continues to happen. People continue to listen deeply and speak from the heart.

Tessa: I was just reflecting back on times when I've been on silent retreats, and they tended to have a format where you would arrive, and once you were sort of through registration process you were straight into silence, and at the end other end of the retreat you you'd be finished and out the door, and then you could start chatting to other people, and I was just thinking how much kinder it would have been on the nervous system to arrive and have a chance to actually have a sense of who people were by having even a short circle where there was some their name shared, you know, maybe, how they traveled there, where they travel from as a segue into the silence and the same the other end, because I remember every time it feels quite a shock to come from such silence, and being very internal to suddenly being in the outside world and having to travel home, whereas to to do something that's a bit more graduated would have been much nicer. I think.

Julia Davis: Yeah, I think we talk about framing our circle and with a retreat. What we're doing is framing the retreat, so there might not be circles all the way through. There doesn't have to be, but it can be so special if you frame the retreat with an opening circle and a closing circle. And think about how many people are with you as well, because you can do beautiful things with enormous circles. You can have a whole retreat with a you know, a hundred people there. It can be like a festival. and you can still open it with a circle. It might be a dancing circle. It might be everyone stepping into circle and stepping out to circle. It's like much more likely to have ritual in it if there are a lot of people, but it's still a place where people can come together and say I have arrived. I am intentionally in this place. So whether you have a large group, or a small group, or something in between framing the beginning, framing the end.

It's really worthwhile doing, and maybe reflect back on experiences when you've had that you've had something that's been bookmarked, and maybe it's a little bit more special. That's what we're trying to do with circle is create deep, heartfelt connections and frame what we're doing so that we can look back on it and experiences something a little bit deeper than just going on a holiday.

Tessa: And it might be that you have a number of circles through the retreat, because one of the points of your event is to create connection. And there's so many different ways that you can do circles. You can have, exercises and journaling so that somebody has more focus, perhaps, on what's going on for them in their life, or dreaming into what could be in the future. There could be crafting. So you're you're talking while you're doing. There could be poetry circles, all sorts of things, so that, depending on the individual, there might be some ways that help them really connect in with the theme of your retreat than other things. So you're giving lots of opportunities for people to explore their inner world and the journey that they're on.

Julia Davis: We have our retreat coming up in October and we picked a theme for the retreat, and the theme is abundance. And throughout that retreat Tessa and I have been thinking about what that means for us, what that might mean for others, and how we can thread it through. We've looked at. Where in our retreat, can we find times for quiet where people have got space for themselves? Where won't we introduce arts and crafts? Where might we introduce things that take people outside of their comfort zone? Take us outside of our own comfort zone, and throughout the time we thought, Well, where do we need movement? Where do we need stillness? It's something that we're really doing intentionally. How do we open the session? Ours starts on a Friday evening. So we're framing the beginning with a Yoga Nidra before bedtime, because it's a beautiful way to go to bed. We've decided that there might be times where people might want to be in their pajamas, or they might want to be dressed for the day. So early morning. Yoga, do people want to join us? Do they not want to join us? There's much more options for freedom to to do things. But then there are parts of the circle and the retreat where we'd really like all of us to be together. The 1st circle of the entire weekend. That's when we'd like everyone to be together for the circle straight after breakfast. We'd love people to be with us for that, the final circle of the day. But then there are moments where we're like. Would you like to go for a walk. Would you like to have free time? So it is allowing it to be fluid, giving people freedom, but also framing and giving lots of opportunities and points for people to connect with each other with a meaningful way, in a meaningful way.

Tessa: As you're talking, Julia, it's making me think how you know if somebody say is new to running retreats and finding that they've got the content of what they want to teach, but maybe it's not hanging together as a as a whole weekend or a week, however long it is. Circle facilitation skills. Training would be a really amazing way to think about how to hold that whole space. It's not just about the talking circle, but creating a whole event like that and supporting people's nervous systems. And you know, perhaps people, they're finding that there's a couple of people that are very, very demanding. It would help with knowing how to manage all of the dynamics that happen within a retreat as well.

Lots to lots to think about.

Julia Davis: And I think as a retreat holder you want to think about what you want out of it. If what you want to do is rock up, teach 1 h of yoga a day, go into your own space, not really connect with the other people who are there. It's kind of. It's a job you go there, you do your hours and you leave. Then maybe circle isn't what you're looking to do. But if you want to create a space where you make friends, you create connections. You feel like a warm and fuzzy feeling when you think about all the people that you went away with. You want to make sure that everybody has a really special experience and gets to know each other, then circles. The way to do that or circle is an amazing way to do that, and I know that I've been away on yoga events where I've felt I arrived with 3 friends. I left with those 3 friends, and then I've been to others where I arrived on my own, and I left really feeling a strong bond and connection with the people who I was on retreat with, and it doesn't necessarily mean that you take that out into life that you're always friends with those people forever. But it was a very special time that you had with those people, and it made that experience worth having, and maybe worth repeating. It tends to be that if you run retreats you might find that you run an annual one, and you get repeat people coming year after year because they've had that special connection with you and with the other participants. That very 1st time they came.

Tessa: I can't wait to go now. Yeah. Way to be cooked for to be looked after. How wonderful.

Julia Davis: I'm really looking forward to it.

Tessa: Thank you for listening to this episode, and let us know your experiences of of retreats.

Julia Davis: Thank you for joining us.

Julia Davis: I'm lucky. I've got mine on Thursday. Thank you so much for joining us for this episode of the circle, holding podcast. And welcome.

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